“I Feel So Lost & Empty”
THIS COULD BE YOUR STORY…
Linda, at 48 years old, is recently separated from her husband of 17 years, Paul. For years she suffered both emotional and physical abuse that she tried to hide from everyone. Her three teenage children with Paul: Olivia (18), Michael (16), and Jeremy (13) grew up seeing their mother abused and despite them pleading with her to leave, so they could feel safe, Linda stayed for as long as she could to try to ‘fix’ the marriage.
ABOUT HER FAMILY
She finally was able to get enough courage with the help of a friend to leave Paul and move the kids out to a place of their own. But, with Paul being the main breadwinner, it has been financially hard for Linda to get on her feet and still provide the way that she wants to. She’s been a nurse for 27 years and with the kids at home alone, she’s struggling to take on more shifts to save money and at the same time be there for her kids.
The kids, although they are trying to be strong for their mother, have had a hard time adjusting to their new life. Olivia is going off to college in the Fall, Michael is entering his junior year in high school, and Jeremy is finishing his final year in middle school. This transitional period has been very scary for Linda as she is constantly concerned that the children will leave and never come back because of what she’s put them through.
HOW DOES LINDA FEEL?
To mask her feelings, she tries to overcompensate and give them everything they want because she feels guilty that they had to suffer with the abuse because she was afraid to leave. At work, she’s volunteered to take on more shifts, do more training, anything she could to try to hide the inner pain she feels everyday.
Lately, she’s having severe migraine headaches, heart palpitations, and anxiety attacks at least a few times a week, which she knows is a byproduct of the stress and emotional distress that she’s under. Linda has always struggled with not feeling good enough, which has led her to pursue relationships with controlling men who initially make her feel safe, until their possessiveness spirals into abuse. She has tried dating after her divorce but the endless dates make her feel even more empty and she’s starting to realize that she needs to feel the void within herself first before she can show up powerfully in any relationship.
HER SEARCH FOR HELP
To get relief, Linda started doing therapy, but her therapist doesn’t seem to understand how to help Linda move beyond the suffocating feelings of regret, shame, and embarrassment that she feels. Her therapist has recommended that Linda see a psychiatrist to get on medication to help her overcome her crying bouts and to overall “feel” better. But, Linda knows that medication won’t take away the deep feelings she has.
Linda’s small circle of friends have tried to help her find happiness again, but she can’t help but spend the time with them feeling ashamed that she couldn’t make her marriage work. Her friends and family all seem to have it together, the doting husband, the perfect kids, the perfect career, the ambition, the energy to do more – and this leaves Linda wondering if anything will ever ‘feel right’ again in her life. And, subconsciously she questions if she even deserves to be happy again after what she’s put her family through.
MOVING ON
Recently Michael has begun acting out and being very disrespectful to Linda. She knows it is because of the divorce and the move that has shattered his world. The kids had to move in with Linda, changing schools, and leaving their lifelong friends behind. The emotional backlash she’s getting from Michael in particular has plunged her into a dark depression, questioning if she did the right thing by leaving Paul. Although Linda has grieved the loss of her marriage, she still hasn’t fully moved on to be able to embrace this new chapter of her life. She wants nothing more than to feel connected with herself and her kids again, to be happy, to be confident that she is making the right decisions for the future, and to feel whole again.